they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I have aggressive nipples.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
