This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
