please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
