Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
