Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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