Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
