come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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