The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
