I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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