I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
