no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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