Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
