she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
