yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
