How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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