Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
