how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
