his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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