u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
