he looks like a really good dad on facebook
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
