I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
