I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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