Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
