its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
