I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
