You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
