just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
