32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
