You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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