No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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