Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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