I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
