i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
