my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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