and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
sarcasm needs its own font
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
