she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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