Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
