listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
