Apparently you make a good broom.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
