is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
