The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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