It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
