How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
