I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
