he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
