As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
