i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
