i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
