Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
