I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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