Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
