We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
