I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
